Bittersweet

 

Five Christmases ago, my sweet nephew, Travis, gave me this basket with chocolate, wine, and yarn (he knew me well). One month later, he tragically left this earth and is no longer with us. As many of you know, that was a devastatingly difficult time in the lives of those who loved him.

This basket has sat in my bedroom every day for the past 5 years. Every night when I go to bed, I see it, I think of Travis, and I contemplate what to make with it. Yet, for 5 years, I haven't been able to make myself crochet something with it. I am not sure why, but I just couldn't. Then, about a week ago, it came to me, a basket. I think he would love it.

Crocheting this basket was so healing for me. As I worked on it, I prayed for those who loved Travis, his parents, his siblings, his aunts and uncles, and even his friends. As life has continued to carry on, we have all had to blaze a path without him and move through life realizing the depths of depression and suicide and how it affects all those involved. Speaking from experience of losing several loved ones, the grief of losing a loved one to suicide is a unique type of grief.

Please know that you are loved and cared for by those around you.
If you are feeling suicidal, please call “988” is the three-digit, nationwide phone number to connect directly to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. By calling or texting 988, you’ll connect with mental health professionals with the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, formerly known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

Connection

Humanity was always created to be in intimate proximity to God. It's in that relationship that we know how to love one another. As the world will know that we are his disciples by our love for one another.

Social connection can be described as the experience of feeling close and connected to others. It involves feeling loved, cared for, and valued, and forms the basis of interpersonal relationships. Increasingly, social connection is understood as a core human need, and the desire to connect as a fundamental drive.

Connection with others is more important than one might think. Social connection can lower anxiety and depression, help us regulate our emotions, lead to higher self-esteem and empathy, and actually improve our immune systems. By neglecting our need to connect, we may be putting our health at risk.

Human connection is a deep bond that's formed between people when they feel seen and valued. During an authentic human connection, people exchange positive energy with one another and build trust. Human connection makes us feel heard and understood and gives us a sense of belonging.

Our day-to-day lives are busy. We spend our days balancing between endless meetings, school activities, and family responsibilities. On top of that, we try to squeeze in exercise and running errands. This leaves us with no time to connect. In a world of more virtual interactions than physical, human connection is now more important than ever, especially the last few years.

Our fast-moving lives have wreaked havoc on our relationships. We don't feel nearly as connected to each other as people did a generation ago. These days we can close our electronic garage door and step into our house without even greeting our neighbors.

Yet we were created for relationship. In fact the first thing God said was, "It's not good for man to be alone." God said that humans were not made for isolation. We were made for connection. Why? We were created in the image of God. The Bible says God is love. And to love, you've got to have somebody to love. 

I cannot  believe this is the 5th year since I gave up New Year's resolutions and deciding to chose a word of the year. I enjoy the process of choosing a word, praying about it, asking for guidance, dreaming of what the New Year will bring, taking a quiz, etc.

In case you haven't figured it out, my word for 2023 is ... 

Let's work together to help people make a connection this year!

 

Ecclesiastes 3:1 - For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.

 

I quit doing New Year's Resolutions several years ago and instead do a word a year to live by. This year, my word is balance. I believe balance comes from within. This year, I need balance. I want balance to help me juggle personal time as well as work, with time for myself to recharge my batteries. Balance to help me prioritize and give space to what I need most right now and let the rest go. A balanced life isn’t a perfect or fragile one, but instead it gives us scope to manage the challenges of daily life and still give us space, time, and freedom for what matters. In navigating through the different seasons of life, I am learning why it is important to find balance.

This year, I am going to work on acknowledging and accepting that I cannot do everything all the time. I only have so many resources: time, energy, money, etc. While it is understandable to want to accomplish much and please a number of people, I am only one person and cannot always manage to do it all. So, I am going to stop, take a deep breath, and regroup. All I can do is all I can do and all I can do is enough! I need to let go of the need for perfection, and of solving all problems for all people. I cannot do all that needs to be done, all the time, and that’s OK.

In order to find balance, I must manage myself, not time. Is there really any such thing as “time management,” or do manage our activities? Everyone has the exact same amount of time – 24 hours in one day. Many days we wish we could just tack on a few more hours to finish a project, or to get more rest or to do other things we would like to be able to squeeze into our day. Managing myself reflects a sense of responsibility in what I do in a day, and in a lifetime. It is being proactive and realizing the power of choice and knowing what I do have control over.

I need to learn to add and subtract. Regarding activities: What pressuring task am I willing to give up, or subtract, in order to have or achieve something (add) more important in a different area? To do more of one thing, I must do less of others. I must be willing to cut some activities from my schedule – even if just temporarily – in order to accomplish higher priorities. When planning my week, I need to determine which less important tasks or projects can wait. I will learn to subtract these from my weekly “to-do” list – and feel the sense of being overwhelmed lessen automatically.

I need to learn to just say “No.” “Will you…?”“Can you…?” “I just need a small favor…” “We can always count on you.” “You’re so good at…” When I hear these messages, do I feel flattered, annoyed, or used? Sometimes I say yes to things because I feel pressure to give an immediate answer. However, I need to remember I have the right to take some time to think about what I can reasonably do before responding. Being able to say no is a critical piece in reducing stress and balancing my life. It will also give my yeses much more power!

To create balance, I will schedule time for myself. If I don’t take care of myself, who will? If I don’t take time and steps to preserve my health and well-being, then who will? It is wonderful to have other people in my life I can help, work with, be friends with and share activities with. However, I should be my own best friend first. I want my family and friends to have the best of me! It takes deliberate effort on my part to make that happen. I need to make it a priority to schedule the time and place for myself to bring what gives me comfort, health, joy or whatever I most need now. I need to be intentional in resting, in playing, in growing, taking

at least 10 minutes a day to do something I like. Scheduling time for myself is a must if I want the best of myself ready to tackle my busy schedule.

Live with purpose! A life oriented around an authentic and passionate purpose is one that is much easier to keep in balance. For this reason, there is no perfect, one-size-fits-all balance plan I can strive for. The best life balance plan is different for each of us because we all have different priorities and different lives.

The quote, “Life is a journey, not a destination” has much value in terms of reminding us about the value of maintaining a balanced life. There is no “last and final time” to clean our homes, care for our children or families, maintain our own health or accomplish some goals. There will always be something we need to do, even after retirement, and this is a good thing! The pleasure is that we have a choice about how to live our lives, activities to be involved in and people to be in relationships with.

SERVING JURY DUTY DURING COVID-19

The health and safety of jurors is of utmost importance to the Judges and staff at the Marion County Circuit Court. They recognize that they must make it safe to serve as a juror, to protect individual jurors, and to help protect against the spread of COVID-19 in our community. Jury trials are being held with precautionary measures to limit the exposure of jurors to COVID-19.

This was my experience:

Being called for jury duty during “normal” times can be stressful enough (taking time off of work, wondering if you’re going to be selected, etc.). But what about during a global pandemic?

I got to the Marion County Courthouse about 7:30. As I passed through a metal detector, it went off because of my metal knees. After being “wanded,” I was sent to the jury corral. This was the first change I noted. Anybody who has been summoned to the courthouse for jury duty knows what the jury corral is, a room that typically would hold up to 200 people pre-Covid. This day, they had 42 people in it, and in another room down the hall that had been converted to a jury corral were another 25 possible jurors. When I arrived in that room, I was told to take a seat that had been marked for jurors (social distancing).

Around 9:30 a.m., the clerk started calling out about two dozen names. Would I be one of them? Did I want to be one of them?

Courts have adopted varying protocols in enforcing social distancing during “voir dire” — the process by which judges question prospective jurors to assemble a jury. They have you stand in line 6 feet apart and knowing who is in front of you...you must remember your place in line as they have already made a seating chart in that order. 

After being sworn in, the questioning began. First, the judge asked a few general questions. Next, the defense attorney asked his questions. This process went on for a long time, probably more than an hour. One question that seems so easy but I found hard to articulate was “What does beyond a reasonable doubt mean to you?” In that moment I wished I had my phone so I could google it. The defense attorney went on to ask other questions, hypotheticals, etc. Lastly, the state asked their questions. The DA did ask me the last question of this process that took 2 hours. We were then ushered back to our room, and the other group went down to the courtroom while we watched them on CCTV.

Finally, we were told that 14 names were going to be called...I found myself counting as the names were called....Again, “Would I be one of them? Did I want to be one of them?” I had counted to 11 and then my name was called...sigh. As the names were called, we were told to line up and were led to the courtroom. 

The days of packing jurors in jury boxes across the state, and sitting shoulder-to-shoulder in a jury box are over, at least for now. Rather than sitting together in the jury box, only three jurors sat in the box while the remaining jurors were socially distanced, 3 to a bench, occupying the space usually reserved for the public. 

On the second day, during a break for technical difficulties, I left the jury room to use the restroom as the other was full and I had to go (apparently, this is a no-no). Well, when I tried to enter the way I came out, the doors were locked. Oh my, what do I do now? There was a courtroom and a hall between where I was and where I was supposed to be. I went down to the receptionist to see if she could call the clerk to let me in, but she was on the phone so I went back up and started knocking VERY LOUDLY. Somebody came out of another room and opened the door for me. Unfortunately, every other juror was back in the courtroom, everyone but me. Nothing like making an entrance, parading by the judge, the defense attorneys, the suspect, and the prosecution. Thankfully, the judge thought it was funny but from then on he counted the jurors, and we were told NOT to leave the jury area.

I learned so much during this process. I learned what “beyond a reasonable doubt" really means. I learned that there are three different levels of the burden of evidence and depend on what type of trial it is. I learned that jurors spend a lot of time in the jury room.

Again, because of COVID-19, the 14 jurors were divided between two jury rooms. You try and make conversation with total strangers, trying to find something in common to talk about, but the only thing you have in common is this case you are listening to, and you cannot discuss that until it is time for deliberation. For any of you that have done jury duty, you know what comes next. The time for deliberation to begin is when it really gets interesting. No two people see the story the same. Your opinions and your life experiences play into it. 

I am humbled to have done jury duty. After finally sitting on a jury, I realized just how important our civic duty is. That is why our country is the best county to live in. While the system may be flawed, it is the best system out there.

 

 

 

Why I Am Involved in the Prayer Shawl Ministry

Acts 2:42-47

We were not made to live in isolation in this world. We live in an interconnected global community. Relationships are important. When something difficult happens to someone else, it hurts us. Prayer shawls are a way to heal others while healing ourselves.

Praying for Others

When you make a prayer shawl you are intentionally infusing each stitch with hope, warmth, love, compassion and care. You emanate the hope that the person will be healed from pain. When the gift is received, that warmth is felt, the connection is recalled and healing takes place.

Your Own Healing

When we see pain, loss and tragedy in others, we feel it in ourselves. We feel sad about our own tragedies. We feel fear about possible pains. As we stitch together our connection to this other person through intentional prayer, the meditative action calms us. Our hearts open up through the work of our hands and we feel safe and loved again.

Make a Prayer Shawl

The healing of the shawl is partially about the prayer and partially about the tactile sensation of crafting. The ladies of Mid Valley Community Church meet once a month to craft our shawls, pray over completed shawls, life up those we have gifted shawls to, and encourage each other. I get so much more than I give in this ministry and am humbled to be a part of it. 

If you are interested in joining us, please contact me. 

 

 

The Great Ice Storm Of 2021

Ten days, nine nights, 211 hours. That is how long the electricity was out. It was a long, dark, and cold ten days. 

There are so many trees down and damaged and so much personal property damage, so much food that had to be thrown out (I threw out nine bags myself). 

My house suffered damage. One of the panes of my double paned sliding glass door was shattered in the early hours of Saturday morning, as well as part of my deck being torn away by branches from the wetlands behind me that landed on the deck (so thankful that my brothers in law came this summer and limbed the tree out back, or without a doubt the damage would have been so much worse).

I have to admit, with the events of the past year, my rose-colored glasses have become a little less rose colored. In my opinion, the world in general has become decisive. This cancel culture in which we live has made people just give up on each other when they don't agree, and that makes me sad. 

While I was stretched in ways I didn't know were possible, I saw faith-affirming things happening during the last ten days.

There are too many people to mention by name, and I would not want to embarrass anybody, but you know who you are. I am ever so thankful for the many family, friends, acquaintances, and even people I have not met in person who called, texted, or emailed to make sure I was okay or to see if needed anything or just let me vent; offered a place to sleep or a to get warm; offered a place to take a shower and cook me a hot meal; let me come do laundry; gave me a place to charge my devices; offered groceries, generators, motel rooms, and money. And thank you PGE for your tireless work these past 10 days. I know the sacrifices you and your families make to get our power back. I am thankful for the provision of power, and I pray I do not take it for granted again.

It is through trying times in our life, that we are able to grow and learn. It is when we are tested that we are able to rise, push through, and come out the other side stronger, braver, and better. The truth is, there are some important lessons in life that we are only taught through difficult times and they can become the silver lining to the darkness (pun intended). It was through this difficult trial that I learned much –

 

        I learned about humility

        I learned to ask for help

        I learned that I need community

        I learned the depth of my strength

        I learned I need to be better prepared

        I learned to be grateful for what I do have

        I learned trials help me grown in my faith 

 

While I may have went 211 hours without electricity, I am so thankful for what I did have in the midst of it. God met me in the craziness of the past ten days, and He did it in ways I never could have imagined.

 

My word of the year for 2021: Believe

 

Welcome 2021! What will you bring me, what will you do, what will I find, where will I go, what will I learn, where will I grow? So many questions and 365 days to find out. So many days and all so fast in each moment. I believe I am ready for you 2021.

Last year while I was spending time with the Lord, He put the word authentic on my mind. As I thought about it, I realized that the Lord continually asked me to pursue authenticity…in relationships, in circumstances, in my soul. While seeking authenticity is a life-long pursuit, I have found a really deep authenticity this past year in a lot of areas. Right now, my circumstances are not perfect, my relationships are imperfect and some are broken, my circumstances felt out of my  control, but my soul is working on being authentic with Him. He has taught me how to trust Him in and through it all.

So, I was thinking about what my word for this year should be. Thinking about the word isn't about trying to choose a word to define the year. It was more about seeking the Lord about what He is putting on my heart right now, so that I can be diligent to pursue him in the matter. I realized the Lord is putting the word believe on my heart. He has been asking me to have faith and to believe in His incredible, boundless power.

When I look at the year ahead, believing in myself is going to be my mood and attitude all year long.  Instead of self-doubt, I’m choosing to believe. I want to use my days and hours and minutes and seconds in a way that show that I believe that the Lord hears and answers prayers, and that He is the one who has the power to change. 2021. I’m ready!

I believe I will make steps if not strides towards my long term goals

I know I have “set goals” for so many years. I would like to say I now understand goals,how I have achieved or not achieved them, how to motivate myself and track my progress, but it is a process, one that takes baby steps.

For 2021, I believe I will move forward. I believe my goals get clearer every day, as well as how to achieve them.

I believe I will find joy in the small moments and peace amongst the rush of life

During 2020, if I learned anything, I learned a fulfilled life is about the small moments. I know I am far from perfection, but I no longer strive for perfection. Every year, I strive to make better choices and have less guilt.

Oh the endless guilt. It is a companion on a daily basis but its voice loses strength. Guilt is no longer there when I am enjoying time with family, it is no longer there when I enjoy a moment of crafting for myself, it is no longer there when I chose to go out for dinner with friends.

For 2021, I believe in my choices. I believe each moment will be the right one and each day will give me the opportunity to make renewed choices aligned with my values.

I believe I can make my own choices and I am not limited by fear

There are so many things I should do. As a good mother, as a good employee, as a good friend, as a good daughter, as a good sister, as a good person. The list goes on. Well, I need to ban the word should from my life. I can make my own choices with no fear of judgement. I know what I want to be, I know life is indeed made of hard choices and I want to be even better at the compromises that I achieve, but they will be my compromises and my choices.

For 2021, I believe in that I chose to no longer feel suffocated by any preconceived limitations. I believe I can operate with no fear of loss, I believe I can operate with no fear of failure.

I believe in me!

Yes. I do. It’s almost hard to write. 2020 showered me with moments of gratitude, gestures of appreciation, feelings of accomplishment. It was a challenging year.

For 2021, I believe in me, what I can and WILL do.

Do you have a word of the year?  If so, I would love to hear what it is and why you chose it?