Some memories are permanently etched in our minds, others fade with time. Everyone who is at least 18 years old remembers where they were on Tuesday morning, September 11, 2001, when jetliners were flown into the World Trade Center. As we just marked the 35^th anniversary of Mt. Saint Helen's eruption, many of us remember that day. Some remember where they were that very moment when President John F. Kennedy, was killed, and yet there are some who remember the exact moment when man first stepped on the moon.

There are moments in all of our lives that shape us. Some are collective memories, as the day the terrorists attacked or the assassin struck or the space shuttle exploded. Others are personal memories. Tuesday, May 27, 1997, is a day that I will never forget. That is the day my best friend, my husband of almost 18 years passed away. I will never forget the events of that one week, how in the short time span, my husband took ill, went to the hospital, then died, and how it has changed my life forever.

The death of a loved one can be perceived as an irreconcilable loss and for some the grief can be unbearable and long lasting. Anyone who has lost a parent, spouse, child or close friend knows the intense sense of loss and emotional pain that is a natural part of the grieving process. The term bereavement means "to be deprived of someone through death." It may take some time to move through the initial stages of the grieving process but with time and patience, the initial grief subsides and with this resolve comes an opportunity for a deeper healing. Beyond mere coping or finding a sense of peace, the transition of a loved one can bring about opportunities for emotional and psychological healing and spiritual growth.

Recognizing how much your loved one contributed to your happiness, even just by being who they were, honors the love they had for you and the place they carved in your life. By remembering with gratitude, you are filled again by those very experiences you so cherished as well as those you perhaps took for granted. Remember: Nothing they added to you can be taken away with their passing, with the death of a loved one your life is forever changed.

These words from an unknown author are so true: "Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward." To let go doesn't mean you forget or go on with your life as if their passing meant little to you. Letting go means letting go of them to embrace yourself and the life you envision for the future.

To cope after the death of someone suggests merely surviving, but to create something lasting is to renew your life and contribute something meaningful and beautiful in memorial.

Grief takes time, but as a culture we generally don’t encourage mourners to take that time. Some rituals, like the Jewish customs of sitting Shiva (a week long period of mourning) and reciting the Kaddish (a mourner’s prayer) for up to a year, give survivors who follow them a comforting structure for their sorrow.

Anyone who has lost a loved one knows that you don’t “recover.” Instead, you learn to incorporate their absence and memories into your life and channel your emotional energy toward others. It has been said that in general, bereaved survivors should not think of ‘getting over’ a loss, but develop ways to get used to it. Even years after someone dies, pangs of grief may come out of the blue, and feelings of heartache and missing the deceased are rekindled. That is normal. Eventually, it has been said, your grief walks beside you instead of consuming you.
Death forces you to look back, and acceptance involves slowly turning your body around to look forward. If you begin a new chapter of life, you carry the person you lost along with you.

Grief...All we can do is ride it out! And ~ it is different for everyone. There are no rules...and there is no timeframe. Oh how I wish I had a penny – even half a penny – for each and every time someone told me: You should be over his death! You should be past that! He wouldn't want you feeling this way, and the list goes on and on! The truth of the matter is I have grieved for many years in many ways. Every time there was a big event, a child's graduation, a son's wedding, a grandchild being born, family tradegies, as well as family blessings, etc. I often wondered if they didn't understand what it felt like to watch someone you have loved all your adult life leave this place? How could they? I know I did not understand that until I lived it.

These are the moments that shape us. Through it all, there is a God who loves us.